My stress has basically cleared up...
Short of the occasional incident of my dad being so crazily stressed out over simple nothings like getting stuck in the passenger seat of a car driving through torrential downpour at night with standing water and getting splashed by cars that wanted to go faster than his car, and then taking it out on everyone else around him (including the driver ;; )
...I guess people call that "Empathy", when you get really emotionally affected by the emotional state of people around you.
Either way, though...
So my sleep's been getting better, sort of. I had some relapses of bad sleep and I had some nights of better sleep.
At this point I'm kind of just taking it on a day-by-day basis, trying to do what I can with what I've got, while realizing that I still can't do everything I want to.
(I feel like, even just playing a game I haven't played in a really long time is a "win" for me right now, despite how much more I want to do and feel like I should do, but I have to accept that I "can't" until the day I feel I "can", and there's no point in getting worked up about it)
WHAT A HORRIBLE YEAR
(And I'm not even talking about my sleep issues )
Speaking of "getting worked up" though?
Man, what an awful, terrible year this is.
I don't really watch the news on Election Years in my country to begin with, but this year in particular, WOW. Just the mudslinging that worms its way into fansite thread post feeds and random topics from my friends is FAR worse than the mudslinging I remember from back in the 2008 and 2012 elections when I DID watch the news! (...2008, at least) Ho. Ly. Crap. D:
(I also had an argument with my mom about this topic earlier today)
I feel like I can't really talk with anyone about how I REALLY feel about this election, other than that I can't state enough how terrible I think both major party candidates are, and that I feel I really can't fault anyone for voting either way or not voting at all (or just writing in the name of one of the other candidates who lost the primaries).
I think the media's almost entirely one-sided against one candidate and I won't even attempt to defend that candidate because I don't think either of them can really be defended, but I just think they're both awful, disgusting people in opposite ways, who stand for opposite things. (And the media acting like only one side is a problem almost makes them complicit to the other candidate's problems, in my eyes)
I kinda want to put on record that I respect what "Political Correctness" was conceived for, but there's a quote from 1991 by George H.W. Bush that pretty much spells "Political Correctness" out as being nothing but trading one form of bigotry ("derogatory language and behavior toward race, gender, sexual orientation, etc") for another ("derogatory language and behavior toward people who practiced derogatory language and behavior toward race, gender, sexual orientation, etc"), but the thing about "intolerance", "bigotry" and "hate" is that "intolerance", "bigotry" and "hate" toward people who are "intolerant", "bigots" or "hateful", is that it is STILL "intolerance", "bigotry" and "hate"!
(That is, if you are intolerant of intolerant people, that still makes you intolerant as well. If you are hateful of hateful people, you still have hate in your heart. The LITERAL definition of "Bigotry" is "intolerance toward those who hold different opinions from oneself" (thanks Google), which means that if you hate "bigots" with enough passion to hunt them down, you are also, by definition of the word, a bigot.)
If we do not believe these behaviors are a virtue, then practicing those behaviors toward people who we believe demonstrate those behaviors is only perpetuating the problem, not resolving it, because we have only become the problem.
...That being said, I kinda like that one of the candidates is against what Political Correctness culture has become, but he's SUCH an ass that he's basically just an anti-SJW. Like SJW, but in reverse. The other though? Ehh... I don't really want to get into her, but while it's SO easy to shit on the other one, I think the one-sidedness of the media acts as an attempt to shield the public from learning that she and her people are just as bad as him in their own ways, but in different ways from him.
But they both suck, so, eh~
In any case, more importantly, yeah...
So my sleep's generally improved, but with clearing up stress and improving my sleep, I've kinda found that another problem I've learned I have has resurfaced again:
I don't remember if I've talked about it here before, but I basically found out from a blood glucose/insulin test last year (...I think it was last year) that my body responds so strongly to insulin that I basically can't even get my blood sugar to go up very much at all with a dose of sugar because my body's insulin response is strong enough to basically negate any benefit that sugar may have had on my blood sugar levels. Unfortunately, insulin stays in the system for longer than blood sugar (glucose) does, so while the insulin negated the dose of blood sugar in the test, it ALSO negated my "resting blood sugar levels", causing it to drop to a critical low I think less than 1/2 of my "resting" (haven't eaten anything yet) blood sugar levels, 2 hours later.
What this means is that I'm sort of afraid of eating sugars because my body will be even worse afterward, despite the short-term benefit it may have given me. (...I have VERY mixed feelings toward Halloween coming up >~>; )
The test basically told me that because my body's response to insulin is so strong, I am effectively "hypoglycemic", meaning that my blood sugar (glucose) levels are too low for my body to run effectively, leaving me in a borderline catatonic state all the time unless I can get foods in my system that will keep it up and let it stay up.
I felt rather afraid of sugar for a large part of last year, but at the same time I knew I had to eat SOMETHING, so it was frustrating because it made my issues with "food" even worse than they were before, as I needed to eat, but I was afraid of what my body would do if I DID eat. >_>;
Thankfully (...Mercifully?) I found out that consuming fats and proteins seemed to appease my body's screaming desire for nutrients, and I later learned that fats, proteins and apparently cinnamon all have "regulating" effects on my blood sugar, and that if I eat sources of carbohydrates (sugars, starches, etc) alongside these ingredients, my blood sugar won't drop so crazily. In fact, I learned that sugars had with a "satisfying" meal wouldn't cause my system to tank at all! (...I think a lot of these problems cropped up after I stopped eating dairy, because cheese was a HUGE source of my fat intake )
It's almost like, the "real" message here is that I need to eat "real" meals as often as reasonably possible (I need to eat basically at least once every ~3 hours? ~4 is good for a person without this problem, but I need something in me every 3 hours), but barring that, I'd love to learn a bit more of the science of WHAT exactly it is that I need to eat to keep things stable XD;
Though, with respect to my sleep, I kind of thought these issues weren't so much of a problem because I couldn't "feel it" when my sleep was bad, but I think the reality is that it was always a problem, and my not being able to "feel it" had no bearing on whether it was actually still causing me problems or not, meaning I was still suffering from hypoglycemia for most of this year, even if I couldn't "feel it".
In that regard...
After stress cleared out from my sleep issues, I still found myself unable to sleep past a certain hour of the morning, and I'd wake up feeling kind of anxious and woke-up mid-sleep. I could also feel in my fingers and toes like I "had to" move them, like I was unable to "stay still" any more. I've come to associate this feeling with the feeling of my body running on adrenaline because my blood sugar dropped too low.
This is... certainly an improvement from how my body was before, because when it would drop that low before, I'd just feel dead inside. Now I feel adrenaline trying to pick me back up, but I feel all "icy" inside.
I've learned to associate this feeling with "I NEED TO EAT".
I actually learned a new thing today -- I had a "low carb, high protein" dinner because I was starting to "feel the shakes" today, and despite the meal being filling, the "shakes" still hadn't gone away and it suddenly dawned on me that even though the food I ate would keep it from dropping, I still probably needed to put enough carbohydrate into my system to boost it back up to where it should be.
In the last few nights (like when I wrote that status message here ) I've found that, if I applied what I learned about food to how my body works at night while I sleep, if I eat toast with coconut oil (fat), honey (blood sugar), cinnamon (balances blood sugar) and almond butter (protein, fat), my blood sugar levels stay stable throughout the night and I'll wake up when my body feels like I'm done sleeping, not just when my body thinks I need food
(It was actually kind of embarrassing -- I had somewhere I was going to be at 12:00 on Monday, but I slept in until 12:20 because apparently my body decided I needed to sleep for like 11 hours XD; )
But, yeah! It seems like if I can keep my blood sugar levels stable at night I can sleep through the night, and if I can keep my blood sugar levels stable throughout the day, I can keep my energy up throughout the day! And, for me who has crap energy most of the time, these past few days have already seen sort of an increase in my ability to actually "do" things throughout the day ^^.
TL;DR of it is "Stress cleared up; seems I couldn't sleep right until I fixed the problem of my blood sugar dropping while I sleep"
I am REALLY hoping this is my last major health problem being resolved -- though it's entirely possible my system will never run on the levels of a "normal person". If so, then I accept that, but if so, it remains that I am unable to work a job with these issues, so I need to find some other source of income / career / whatever the fuck you "normies" (...<3?) need to survive
Which leads to...
UPCOMING PROJECT DECISION-MAKING
That all said, I kinda hate to tease something and not follow through on it (it seems to be a curse I have, which makes me fear even bringing things up, because I know with my health issues, I probably can't deliver on them, so I'd like to at least deliver on what I can ), but I've got more things I've been working on lately, and some stuff I've been wanting to share with you all on trying to figure out something for what I should do next.
It's basically like, a couple of different projects.
One is more art-related, with an idea for a small comic series focusing on one-page shorts in the vein of the original "Living With Monstergirl" series by Okayado (which Monster Musume no Iru Nichijou is effectively the serial manga version of), where I focus on introducing my characters and their various daily lives in the weird little group that they have. (I may have totaled up as many as like 30 characters in the group, which is KIND OF part of why I've realized that each of them basically needs their own little shorts because it'd be impossible to cover all of them at once)
The other project would be a small-scale game project (or, series of projects) designed to test features for my big game project I have going with Norgorim. The intention of this type of project would be to prove that I can build small, functional games with even just only the engine parts Norgo's built already, (and it'd be good incentive to test features and encourage focusing on their development) but it would ALSO be a way of making small releases to give you all something to play with, to show off just what the hell it is that I do with my time XD;
I'd love to do both of these projects, but the problem is...
Well, I need money. (Everyone does, yeah)
I can't exactly get a "normal" job with these health issues as they are, especially with my energy levels as unstably fragile as it tends to be.
So, I don't exactly need an answer NOW or anything, but while I'd like to go into more detail for both projects later, I sort of want to ask at some point:
"Which would you be more willing to pay for?
Single-page manga shorts about my characters?
Small (but hopefully fun and engaging) games made from developed portions of my main, larger game project?"
Either way, I feel like I need to do SOMETHING to bring in funding for the main project (...and my health issues ), considering I don't think either of us have jobs at the moment
Thanks for reading!! ^_^